There is always a fallout to sex outside of marriage. It is either physical or emotional or both. For women, it is always both.
It was for me and for every girl/woman I know who found herself dazed from the aftermath. It is worse when you come from a strict religious background.
But every woman who has experienced the guilt, fear, and shame of premarital sex can heal her heart and be happy again!
The Guilt Fallout
Emotionally the guilt is the worst part because your conscious has been trained to feel guilty about any and everything. With pre-marital sex being deemed the ultimate sin, the guilt is ten times worse than any other. Then there is the fear. Fear is the often worse than the guilt because there seems to be much to fear.
The Fear Fallout
Fear of pregnancy because you aren’t using protection because you aren’t supposed to be having sex anyway and that would be like permission to do it if you have protection.
The fear he is just using you for sex and will not marry you.
Fear of what other people will think and say when they find out you’ve been having sex and especially if you turn up pregnant.
The Shame Fallout
Shame is another emotion which is closely related to guilt. Feeling shame happens from the first kiss almost. To let a boy/man kiss and touch you is shameful if he is not your husband. Then after that, the shame is multiplied when you begin fondling, having oral sex, then penetration. You’ve rounded all four bases and now instead of hearing cheers of jubilation, you hear groans because you realize you weren’t even part of the team. It doesn’t count.
Shame happens when you have to go to the doctor because you have some mysterious pain or odor in your nether regions. You find out it’s a venereal disease and have to start a round of antibiotics which may or may not make you sick. The VD is curable and your mystery pain and odor clears up but something is different now. The next time could be worse.
Shame is still your companion because now you find out you are pregnant. You can’t be happy about it because you are not married, could end up a single mother, and he’s questioned if it’s really his. All this even though he knows he’s the only person you’ve been with considering you were a virgin. If he’s a good guy he will insist you get married. If not he will make excuses or run away from the responsibility.
The sex fallout is real for Christian women or any woman. It is never like you see on TV or in the movies. The free sex and clear conscious afterward is a myth.
The Physical and Emotional Reality
The reality is you will have physical and emotional fallout. You will experience things you never anticipated because your body and soul have been affected and changed in ways that cannot be undone.
No matter how strong you think you are or how sure you think you can handle it, you will experience the fallout.
What can you do to avoid this major devastation? Don’t have pre-marital sex!
Yeah, that sounds easy enough to say but following that advice is easier said than done. It looks wonderful. I hear it’s nothing like anything you’ve ever experienced before. All this is true but are you willing to sacrifice your peace and health for a few moments of pleasure? There is no safety or security in that. Those two things are what every woman needs.
The Culprit Behind it All
Sex outside of a safe, secure relationship; outside of marriage is beneath you and can devastate you. But that is the culprit to the problem of women being anxious to have sex before they marry. Most don’t believe they are worth the wait. Most are caught up in the emotion of it all. He is filling a void that should be already filled with love, self-worth, and security. On the surface, it looks like many Christian women have this but it is an illusion.
Her Needs Unfulfilled
Most Christian women have a hole the size of Texas in their hearts. It has never been filled with love, security, or self-worth because all religion teaches is guilt, shame, and insecurity. But those things can’t stand up to the power of love. A woman’s automatic response is love and she will default to that feeling every. single. time. She gravitates to it like a magnet which sets her up to be vulnerable to sex before marriage given the right circumstances.
Being in love fills the void and creates an illusion of safety and security. The problem is it is dependent on someone else. Usually that someone else does not know what it means to truly love. He only knows the right things to say that makes her feel good. He activates her love; arouses and awakens it without knowing how to continue feeding it because he is really just as empty as she is.
His Mature Response Thwarted
If he truly has a reservoir of love inside him he can continue feeding her need for love. He would marry her in the first place then have sex with her. Unfortunately, this rarely happens, especially in the black community.
What can a woman do to protect her heart and body? Telling her to not/ stop having pre-marital sex is not enough. You have to teach her about her heart, show her how to protect it in a healthy way, and educate her in how to recognize and choose a healthy man to meet, marry, and mate with.
Her Duty to Herself
At the end of the day, a woman has to take back the reins of her heart and maintain control of them. She had to put her physical and emotional well-being ahead of his sweet nothings. She has to understand and embrace her feminine power. She must find her safety and security in God. She must believe what He says about her and live it day by day.
A woman who has a healthy sense of her value, knows she is loved and loves herself, is best protected because she no longer seeks to fill a void. Being filled up means there is no room for junk. It means she can see and think clearly. It means she is powerful enough to say no to foolishness and say yes to her good health and peace of mind.
Her Power Restored
She makes powerful decisions that lead to healthy relationships with healthy and available men. She has the power and confidence to choose the right man to marry. She can see foolishness a mile away. An insecure man is a turn off to her. Drama is like bitter, lukewarm water. She sees through facades and bravado because the love inside her repels the mess and attracts the same kind of spirit she has.
Even if a woman has experienced the sex fallout, she can still recover and begin a new journey of hope, strength, and love. She can become powerful, conscious, and a magnet for healthy relationships.
Get Your Power Back!
Are you ready to begin your new journey and become a powerful magnet for a healthy relationship? Sign up for a free 30-minute coaching session.